6 Reasons Why Marital Bliss Does NOT Exist


I’m not saying that Happy married couples do not exist. They do, but how often do they actually stay that way for very long. I’m not even married yet and I’m thinking like this. It’s gotta tell you something. No, in all actuality it’s just telling you all that Reese is stressed out and overworked. That’s what it all really boils down to. But will we, as married couples be eternally happy? I think not. Listen closely. I’m not a pessimist. Repeat. I’m not a pessimist. I’m not sitting here telling you that all marriages will not work out. Hell, I’m not even married yet. Who am I to tell YOU? I’m not going to sit behind my computer chair and scare all the Newlyweds or those who are engaged like myself. Instead, I will simply point out the flaws of Marital Bliss and then maybe a few pointers on how to avoid them or ways to make it work.

What it CAN be like....

Love Is All We Need

False. A happy marriage needs many other things than just Love. While unconditional love can work wonders with children and pets, it simply doesn’t cut it when it comes to a marriage. If we continue to raise our children thinking that marriage is all happiness and butterflies then the world will be a very big delusional place. A happy and healthy marriage cannot survive based solely on love.

Tell it Like it Is

Yet again, False. Here’s where I, as well as thousands of other men and women, go wrong every time. Talk show doctors are constantly telling us that we need to “Tell it like it is” and be brutally honest.  This is false. Sometimes we cannot differentiate what’s supposed to be said, and what should just be left unsaid. We also fail to realize how to say things sometimes. This is actually where I went wrong most recently. I told her I was in a shitty mood for most of yesterday before work, which is why nothing got done around the house. BIG MISTAKE. She then asked why, so i began to tell her. I told her everything i had said in yesterday’s post. She got pissed off and I probably shouldn’t have said things the way I did.

Cultural Backgrounds

People on this planet are from all different cultural backgrounds. Be it of Spanish descent, African-American descent, Asian descent, or whatever have you. What we were taught was morally right as kids will differ greatly when it comes to the different ethnic backgrounds. Which can become a problem since views on certain topics will remain very different. For instance, Reese was raised in a prominent Hispanic community in Los Angeles, CA, so her views on what they should be doing with illegal immigrants are much, much different. Living in America, I find that people can be very racist towards any race but the “White” race. While I am a Caucasian marrying a Hispanic, I’ve learned to be less ignorant. But we still have our problems, as will all couples.

50-50

Most couples have the undying notion that they need to equally put in 50 percent, or meet halfway. This isn’t always necessarily true. We cannot expect our partner to give as much as we do all the time. It’s just not fair. When we begin to EXPECT things of one another, things can go downhill when our expectation are not met. This doesn’t mean we should be lazy and not give it our all. Just know that it is okay not to meet halfway all the time. I’ve been with Reese for nearly 7 years and not once have gotten angry because she wasn’t pulling her weight in the relationship. If I did, I would be a hypocrite. There are many times where I don’t put as much into the relationship as she does, but on that same note, there are many times where she doesn’t as well. This is just something that needs to be overlooked from time to time.

The Blame Game

Oftentimes we find ourselves searching for someone to blame for our own faults. Other times we find ourselves getting blamed for something we couldn’t prevent, something that was simply out of our reach. Another HUGE downfall in marriages these days. We cannot blame one another for everything. Sometimes we just need to suck it up and take the blame and move on. “It’s all your fault, if you would’ve just cleaned up a bit, like I asked you to, this fight never would’ve happened.” While that statement may be true, there are better ways to get the outcome you desire. Take a deep breath, think about how to convey what you’re really feeling, so you don’t come off as a huge meanie, and talk about what happened and what you would have rather happened.  This ties in with the “Tell it Like it Is” failure I mentioned before.

Sex

I saved this one for last because not everyone is comfortable talking or even reading about it. It’s something that needs to be talked about though. Everyone has their own opinion about how often sex is necessary to them. Most men will agree that sex would be great at least once a day, but the sad fact is that most married couples in America only have sex 118 times a year, while globally the number is at 127*. Unless you’ve forgotten, there are 365 days in the year. Furthermore, what this statistic is showing us is that a married couple will have sex once every 3 days. This is just on average. Sure there are people who are doing it every night, but that also means that there are many couples out there that are only doing it once a week. Studies show that not only is sex good for healthy relationships since it improves intimacy, but it also has it’s own health benefits. Those include, but are not limited to: relieving stress, losing weight, boosts immunity, boosts self esteem, and reduces risks for prostate cancer**

I may have started out on a pessimistic note, but I ended on a good one. I’ve helped myself out in a way. That’s what this is partly about isn’t it? A means for self-help? While I’ve helped myself, and that is what I’ve come here to do, I am also here to share what I know. So, someday, someway, I hope I have helped someone with this article.

What do you think is the #1 reason for why marital bliss hardly exists?

*According to statistics gathered in 2003 from Professorshouse.com
**Studies taken from WebMD.com

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Comments
15 Responses to “6 Reasons Why Marital Bliss Does NOT Exist”
  1. hippiecahier says:

    I wish I had any idea what the answer is to your question. It’s probably going to stick with me for the rest of the day. I’d like to believe it’s a logical fallacy or there’s some issue with the definition of bliss, but instead, I’ll just say this:

    Marriage is hard work. Sometimes very hard work. But it’s good work, if you can get it.

    I think it speaks well of you that you’re putting so much thought and effort into it. If you continue in that spirit, before you know it you’ll be celebrating your 50th anniversary and understanding the true definition of “happily married.”

    Very best wishes to you and Reese!

    • TonyVote says:

      i think you’re right. The only way to define a “happy marriage” might be to live through a marriage and remain happy with one another. Then, and only then, can you actually say what a “happy marriage” consists of.

      Thanks for the kind words and for stopping by! :-)

  2. sittingpugs says:

    I’m not even married yet and I’m thinking like this. It’s gotta tell you something

    Yes, it says that you think, you’re aware, rose-tinted glasses are not going to charm you off to an improbable sense of reality.

    From observation to firsthand experience, for two people to have a rewarding and meaningful relationship of any kind, the differences between them have to complement each other in some way. Cindy and Sandy don’t need to share obsessions, hobbies, pet peeves or tastes in entertainment. It doesn’t hurt if their interests and viewpoints overlap, but it’s not mandatory. What does do a world of good for them to continue having a good friendship, partnership, etc, is if they balance each other out somehow.

    At their best, they finish each other’s sentences; at their worst, they would still defend the other’s honor and trust one another implicitly.

  3. penny lane says:

    i don’t believe in happily ever after at all, although i think that if two people really want to be together, they can make it. it’s a hard road but if they stick together, in the end, it will be worth it.
    i agree with you in all you have written up here. sincerity is not always the answer but communication is, and sex, as a bigger part of the couple than we would like to admit, help us get it.

    • TonyVote says:

      yeah, communication definitely is KEY. happily ever after only exists in fairy tales and on the silver screen. You can only be as happy as you allow yourself to be i believe.

  4. hamlette2002 says:

    I can tell you this much:

    After 15 years of marriage, I would have to say that “marital bliss” is not a constant state. It will come and go. No relationship is ever a constantly perfect and happy one, not the one you have with your best friend, your boss, your employees, or even your DOG. It’s just not the way relationships work. They’re dynamic – ever-changing, growing, expanding, contracting, living, breathing entities. They must be nourished and pruned. Communication is important, but so is awareness. If one person is thinking that the relationship isn’t what s/he wants it to be, that person needs to examine WHY. “What is it that I’m not getting?” You can’t communicate a need that you can’t identify.
    It took me a long time to understand, in myself, that what I was missing was romance. Not “bring me flowers and jewelry and take me horseback riding on the beach in Maui while gazing into my eyes” romance, but just “let’s spend a little time together without the kids and friends and bar” romance. I thought it was sex that I wasn’t getting enough of! Now that the hubby understands this, he’s working on it, but he’s still trying to make it more complicated than what I need. LOL.

  5. Writing from not a huge wealth of experience, it seems to me that being in a long-term relationship with someone can be a bigger commitment than being married to them. If the only thing holding a couple together is their commitment to each other, doesn’t that strengthen their relationship more than a couple held together by a marriage certificate. When unmarried, both halves of the couple make the choice to stay with the other everyday, rather than having to stay because they made a promise in law (and before God if you believe that).

    • TonyVote says:

      I find that to be true as well. Reese and I have been together nearly 6 years. We’re not tying the not because it’s what society expects but rather because of the benefits that come from being married. We don’t need a marriage certificate to let us know how comitted we are. We also want an excuse to party!!! Haha just a small perk that’s all.

      Thanks for stopping by.

      • Congrats on staying together so long and I hope it works out for you – I know some people say marriage changes their relationship, but it sounds like you guys are doing it for the (unconventionally) right reasons.

        • TonyVote says:

          THANKS! :-) we’ve lived together for over a year, i don’t think an official certificate will change much. I’ll update the world as time goes by, don’t you worry.

  6. mct88 says:

    It’s a good thing you don’t believe in marital bliss. When people come into a marriage with unrealistic expectations they will have problems right after the honeymoon where real life begins…

    Yeah, the 50-50 relationship “characteristic” is non-existent. Sometimes its 80-20, 90-10, heck maybe sometimes is 100-0. Relationships require giving and taking people have to realize its more on giving and sometimes 100% giving with nothing in return.

    Awesome post!

    • TonyVote says:

      thank you! and you’re right. you’ve got to be able to give. Sometimes you’ve got to be self-less and give without expecting anything in return because you might not get anything in return all the time. it’s better to give anyway. although it is nice to receive. ;-) lol, jk.

  7. sarahnsh says:

    I think that you hit on some very valid points with this post. Actually the idea of this post (and the current situation of what I’ve seen with marriages sometimes) inspired a post like this I just finished. I’d almost add to it that financial is very important to realize and see if you will be fighting over money or if you are on the same page. And sex is huge, one person with more sex drive than the other can make the the one who wants it undesirable when the other one doesn’t want it. Plus, you just won’t go at it like you did in the beginning, or if you do, I’d like the secret. Also, you should try not to take advantage of each other and show that you appreciate them even if you get used to the routine of things. Anyways, thanks for sharing this!

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