Naked Women and a Sprained Ankle

The nude female body is a fascinating thing, especially when there are about a dozen of them walking around and dancing for you. Naked women will never cease to amaze me. The fact that women were made to be such beautiful beings is proof that there is a god. I’m not one of those chauvinistic pigs that degrade women, or hoot and holler. I’m a respectful man and I’m also about to get married. So, being the honest faithful man I am, my bachelor party was quite mild, but never was there a dull moment.

My best man, who is also my wonderful brother, had coordinated my bachelor party this past Saturday. I gave him a list of people who I would’ve liked to come along and he did the rest. He sends me a message about an hour before we were supposed to meet up to pre-game, telling me that he’s not sure if anyone is going to be able to make it. I definitely became disheartened right about then. I was hoping for at least 8 of my close friends getting together, drinking and having some fun. Well, this wasn’t going to be the case. Or so it seemed.

I get to my house to find my brother and my cousin from Philly, who told me around the same time my brother texted me, that he wasn’t going to be able to make it. I was definitely surprised. My cousin Dan is definitely one of my favorite cousins, probably because he’s older and always been “cool” in my head. I’ve always looked up to him, so it made my night when he stepped out of my brother’s car. We marched up the stairs to my apartment with a few bottles of alcohol and some soda to accompany them. Moments later like 5 other people showed up. At this point there was about 10 of us. My night was going to be perfect. The drinking began.

A gift from my mother....

At about 10pm we headed to the strip club to go see some chicas. When we got there my brother handed me a pair of glasses that said Groom, that were a gift from my mother….that just made her the coolest mom in my eyes. It’s those simple things that mean the most sometimes. Before I go off into a tangent, let me back up. We headed into the club, my cover charge was covered by the other guys, and the also bought me a stage dance. Details will be spared because what happens in the club, stays in the club, except for one thing. After the dance, I was pretty inebriated at this point, so I forgot where the stairs for the stage where. I saw a friend of mine at the end of the stage and walked on over. There were no stairs. The stage was only about 3 feet off the ground so I said fuck it, and just hopped off the stage. Bad idea, I twisted my ankle and fell straight to the ground. The rest of the night went off without a hitch, my ankle didn’t bother me at all, but that could’ve been my drunk muscles kicking in.

We get back to my house to continue the party. After all, it was only 3am, the night was still young. We had taken 2 cars, the car I was in got back first, but we had to wait for the others because they had the keys to my place. about an hour later they finally get home, with 28 double cheeseburgers from McDonald’s. Mind you, at this point there were only about 5 of us remaining. That was probably about 10 double cheeseburgers too many. I still have some remaining on my kitchen table.

All in all, it was a GREAT night, but the next day was horrible. It was probably the worst hang over I’ve ever had. It lasted all…day…..long. Worst part about it was that I had to be at work at 12pm and I had a 9 hour shift. Thankfully it was a slow day at work, because I really had no energy in me.

7 Responses to “Naked Women and a Sprained Ankle”
  1. sarahnsh says:

    I love that your Mom gave you the ‘Groom’ glasses, how cute! Sounds like you had such a fun time, though I was thinking while I was reading it that you’d be feeling it the next day. It helps having a slow day after a crazy night like that, sounds like good times!

  2. sittingpugs says:

    The fact that women were made to be such beautiful beings is proof that there is a god

    Surely other objects, entities, and phenomena exist that can also suggest there are gods at all?

    The Immaculate Reception perhaps? (assuming one is a Steelers fan, of course).

    Details will be spared because what happens in the club, stays in the club

    What did it smell like? Or rather, did it smell any differently than you expected? melange of sweat and beer and some food products?
    I’ve always wanted to go to such an establishment but I fear that the smells will make me recoil more than any of the sights or sounds. I’d need to wear a hazmat outfit or bring disinfect wipes. Too bad none of my single male friends are getting married any time soon.

    The stage was only about 3 feet off the ground so I said fuck it, and just hopped off the stage. Bad idea, I twisted my ankle and fell straight to the ground.

    How’s your ankle now?

    • TonyVote says:

      No, sorry, I’m not a steelers fan.

      I guess it probably helped that I had a stuffy nose and that I was already drunk when I got to the club, so I didn’t smell anything.

      And my ankle, it still hurts if I put too much weight on it. I presume it’s sprained, but it’s not worth going to the doctors over unless it gets worse. I’m just glad that when I fell, after jumping, I didn’t hit my head and blackout. That wouldve been one helluva way to end the party.

      • sittingpugs says:

        It’s all right–I’m not a Steelers fan (anymore). I like their logo, though. I take pride in being older than Ben Roethlisberger even if only by a year.

        Stuffy nose—did you breathe through your mouth much?

        Does your ankle hurt more on the inside or outside? Does it hurt to massage the area or only when you attempt to stand with normal weight distributed on it?

        I’ve sprained/twisted both ankles many times over the years. I only went to the doctor one time because it wasn’t getting better after a week. Nothing broken just…more time for it to heal.

        • TonyVote says:

          Yea I did most of the breathing through my mouth.

          My ankle hurts internally and when I twist it a certain way. Touching it doesn’t hurt any. I’ve sprained/twisted each ankle twice now. never broke anything thankfully.

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